October 06, 2003

Academic Theme Park

As the process of adjunctification continues apace, with 43 percent of all faculty now part-time and university administrations claiming that, much as they'd love to, they simply cannot afford to invest in full-time faculty, it is rather discouraging to learn that millions and millions of dollars can be devoted to the building of water parks. But in the comments to Living Like a Student, 21st-Century Style, "better left nameless" (indeed) makes an excellent proposal. Instead of wringing our hands in despair over this trend, "better left" suggests, why not get in on the action:

Could TAs and adjuncts take advantage of this? Perhaps there should be a traveling carnival staffed entirely by adjuncts and TAs, with special 'academic' rides and games? Throwing darts at CVs for prizes? How about the dreaded 'Cattle Call' ride (sponsored by the American Historical Association)? A crowd of unsuspecting riders are forced to fight for a tiny number of seats for a rollercoaster. For the few that get on, many are ejected from the ride by a spring mechanism along the way and there are no belts to keep them in. Imagine a whole Western motif to it.

When a person is ejected, a Burl Ives mechanical voice yells out, 'You're history, partner!'

The AHA Tilt-a-Whirl? The MLA House of Horrors? The Academic Job Search Isolation Tank? The Grade Inflation Hot-Air Balloon Ride? Once we abandon all remaining vestiges of our archaic ideals of education and purge ourselves of all remaining traces of our old-fashioned notions of dignity, the possibilities are limited only by our imagination.

Posted by Invisible Adjunct at October 6, 2003 12:47 PM

Mr. Toad's Wild Tenure Ride?

Posted by: Miriam at October 6, 2003 01:58 PM

There could also be an arcade section, featuring fabulous games like "Fight to Hire," a multiplayer martial arts action battle where players can take on the role of various job candidates and search committee members.

My personal favorite persona would be Dr. Burnout, an aging and portly soon-to-be-retired professor who kills candidates with mean-spirited yells and an inexhaustable supply of scotch bottles.

Posted by: better left nameless at October 6, 2003 02:51 PM

OSU's graduate students are asking for fully-subsidized health insurance, which just doesn't make any sense, because once they start working out at 'the taj mahal' they won't ever get sick.

Posted by: fontana labs at October 6, 2003 05:53 PM

I hate to say this, but they're right.

You see, because these are student life thangs I think they count as revenue generating (like dorms) and so one can get a different class of credit to build them.

Here at These Colleges we're building 170 beds of (admittedly much needed) dorm space before the Fine and Performing Arts Center because one can borrow money at a better rate for dorms than for dance.

Posted by: Michael Tinkler at October 7, 2003 12:15 PM

The Contingent Carousel: round and round, up and down

The Tenure-Stream Coaster: hang on, splash down

The Drop of Doom -- pretty much applies all round, wouldn't you say? (drop of doom from http://halltvseries.com/series/324.shtml)

Posted by: Academy Girl at October 7, 2003 01:44 PM