April 24, 2003

Crimes Against Art: From the J. Lo Dossier

Jennifer ("I'm Just Jenny from the Block") Lopez and Ben Affleck "have secured a deal to remake the classic movie Casablanca." An unnamed sycophant friend reports that the Hollywood couple are "overjoyed" at the chance "to show how much they love each other through their on-screen chemistry." Don't play it, Sam, please don't.

Posted by Invisible Adjunct at April 24, 2003 03:50 PM

Not to worry. The Rapture will happen first.
No Deity would allow this.

Posted by: Oggie Ben Doggie at April 25, 2003 03:42 AM

Further proof, as if we needed it, that JLo and Ben have sold their souls. They're really angling for some bad karma. My prediction: Sean "Puffy" Combs plays Sam, and he and JLo have an affair, ending the JLo-Ben merger....

Posted by: chuck at April 25, 2003 02:17 PM

Your prediction is a not unlikely scenario. This a Deity would allow.

Posted by: Invisible Adjunct at April 25, 2003 06:26 PM

I dunno. If this got done just precisely right (wrong?), it could turn into a cult classic -- the kind of so-bad-it's-good movie that spawns drinking games.

Posted by: Dorothea Salo at April 26, 2003 02:17 AM

Good point: If we define precisely right as precisely wrong, then they will probably do it just perfectly. It could go down in film history alongside such greats as "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

Posted by: Invisible Adjunct at April 26, 2003 02:36 AM

Hey, I _like_ "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!" :)

Posted by: Rana at April 27, 2003 09:10 PM

Hey, I like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!" too! It sets a very high standard for the genre. Frankly, I doubt Affleck and Lopez are up to it: they will try hard to be very, very good, which will make the film just bad enough to be almost unwatchable, but not nearly bad enough to be so bad that it's good.

Posted by: Invisible Adjunct at April 27, 2003 09:37 PM

Sign the petition:

Stop Them Before They Film Again

Posted by: InMarin at April 28, 2003 05:19 AM

The latest I've heard is that Ben and JLo's agents are denying this rumor (so is Kevin Smith, FWIW). Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Posted by: chuck at April 28, 2003 04:28 PM

Crossing all digits...

Posted by: Invisible Adjunct at April 28, 2003 08:04 PM